Reframing Our Resolutions
If you combine the different studies out there about New Year’s Resolutions, the average number of people who achieve their resolutions each year is 8%. One way to read that is that a whopping 92% of us are big failures; the other way is that it shows that the problem is with the concept of New Year’s Resolutions themselves, not the people who set them.
I’m a sucker for personal growth and I, like all of us, can easily think of an endless list of things I’d like to change about myself and my life. In fact, most of us err on the side of being critical of ourselves to the point that it’s a lot easier to quickly come up with a list of things you don’t like, or would like to change about yourself, than a list of things you like, or would like to keep as they are. (Seriously, take a minute now and try it.)
It is a natural, arguably instinctive human desire to want to grow and change, so perhaps the more difficult task and perspective is actually the antithesis of New Year’s Resolutions: what if we accepted ourselves for who we are right now? What if instead of – or before – making a list of the areas you’d like to improve, you make a list of the things about yourself you’re proud of? I did this the other day and I’m embarrassed to admit how difficult it was. It was an enlightening experience to start writing something down (“I like my ability to empathize with others”) and to hear the other voice in my head immediately kick in to shut it down (“You weren’t so empathetic this morning when you were irritated at your daughter for refusing to put on her coat; clearly this isn’t a quality you truly have.”)
We’re taught to be humble to the point that we often can’t even recognize our own accomplishments. While I worked on my list of things I like about myself and things I’ve accomplished, I was shocked by the realization that I’ve accomplished a lot that I would be proud of if I read those same items on someone else’s list. I was extraordinarily proud of my friend when she started her own business, yet when I started mine, I only saw how I could’ve done better – to the point that I didn’t feel like it should make it onto my list of accomplishments. And we’re taught to focus so much on striving for more and improving ourselves that even when we reach our goals, we don’t get the satisfaction of enjoying them or being proud because we’re already onto the next goal…and there are always more goals. Not only are there always more goals, but we could always have done better with the goals we do accomplish, which is the trap we fall into that leaves us feeling exhausted and unworthy of joy and happiness. To take this all a step further, what if we shift our focus from accomplishments altogether and instead focus on the one true reality of the universe: the present moment, or, us as we are right now?
There’s the classic example of the person who spends all their time working so that they can have enough money to enjoy their life, yet because they’re working so much, they don’t have the time or energy to truly enjoy life outside of work. Our focus on accomplishments and productivity leaves us feeling like failures when we haven’t done enough, and because “enough” isn’t quantifiable, we’ve put ourselves in a game we can’t win.
What if instead of asking what will we accomplish this year, we ask what will we create? When we start to focus on creativity rather than productivity, we organically shift into the present moment because it becomes about the process instead of the end result. When our lives are result-focused, we become dependent on the satisfaction of constantly crossing things off our to-do lists and reaching goals, but when our lives are creativity-focused, we become awakened and alive to the process itself and we’re left with the spaciousness to actually enjoy our lives.
Productivity and creativity can – and often need to – go hand in hand, as do the desire for improvement and the recognition that we are good enough just as we are. When you surrender and accept yourself as you are, you are left with the satisfaction that you are enough. And how relieving would it feel to sit with the knowledge of being enough as you are right now before moving on to the next thing?
