In 2014, my world as I knew it ended – gradually at first, and then with abruptness. Some of it happened over the years prior in such a slow, stagnant way that I wasn’t fully aware of what was happening. Other parts happened so quickly that it was as though I was left behind and have only caught up years later.

I lost a baby in 2011. Years later, I can still recall the pain and details of that time period more vividly than almost any time in my life. I remember being on hold, waiting for my doctor’s office to pick up the phone, while I sobbed and listened to the prerecorded hold message taunting me: “Pregnancy is a time of joy and endless wonder. Thank you for choosing our team to accompany you on this wonderful journey. Please remain on the line and someone will be with you shortly.”

If you combine the different studies out there about New Year’s Resolutions, the average number of people who achieve their resolutions each year is 8%. One way to read that is that a whopping 92% of us are big failures; the other way is that it shows that the problem is with the concept of New Year’s Resolutions themselves, not the people who set them.

You will miss these days…and you will be so grateful they’re over.

In my line of work as a Birth and Postpartum Doula, I spend my days with a lot of first-time moms, and one of the most common sentiments I see, especially these past few years, is the pressure and the guilt of attempting to enjoy every moment with your children.

As a birth doula, I spend many of my days attending births, talking with clients about birth, keeping up on current birth practices and recommendations, and being asked questions about birth.

One of the concepts that’s been floating around for years is the perception that a c-section is not a “real” birth, and/or that it’s a lesser form of giving birth the “real” way (a vaginal delivery after a certain number of hours in labor).

Anyone who knows me or has read my previous articles knows that I’m quite open about the fact that parenting is hard work; and also the fact that it took me a few years to feel like it was something I could be open about.

Before I had my daughter, I read a widely circulated quote that said, “Good mothers are like candles; they burn themselves up to give others light.” Spoiler alert: I now know that that mentality is one of the most damaging views of motherhood that we can have.

I always thought “What do you do?” is a fairly straightforward question.

When it’s met with, “I’m an electrician, “ or “I’m a bank teller” people have a little picture in their heads of what fills your workday. And then I became a doula.

Two topics that have been near and dear to my heart for quite some time are the concepts of authenticity and being good enough.

For a long time, I didn’t think they were related, but particularly since becoming a parent, I’ve realized that my struggle with not feeling good enough often popped up when I was feeling watched or judged.

Doesn’t every new mom feel nothing but bliss during those delightful first few months of finally meeting her new baby? Yeah, not so much. Considering we can all acknowledge that all moms are unique, and all children are unique, why do we seem to assume that all moms will have a similar experience with new motherhood?

Once you’ve narrowed down your list of potential doulas to two or three, you may be wondering “How in the world am I supposed to decide from here?” Most doulas offer a complimentary consultation to see if you’re all a good fit, and I highly recommend taking advantage of this offer!