When the Newborn Days Are Not-So-Blissful
Doesn’t every new mom feel nothing but bliss during those delightful first few months of finally meeting her new baby? Yeah, not so much. Considering we can all acknowledge that all moms are unique, and all children are unique, why do we seem to assume that all moms will have a similar experience with new motherhood?
Even without clinical postpartum depression
Most new moms experience days that are just plain hard or awful. To make matters worse, we often then feel guilty for not feeling blissed out 24/7 by our new role as a mom and our sweet new baby. I mean, didn’t we look forward to this time when we would be relaxing at home with our sleeping bundle, nursing easily and peacefully while we admire our new baby, strolling the neighborhood with a latte while our baby is sleeping in our pretty new Moby wrap, and all the while, we’re just so grateful for this amazing time? I’ll be the first to admit that that picture was similar to what I envisioned while I was pregnant. And that was not at all what the first few months as a new mom were like for me!
See that picture above of the screaming, red-faced infant? Yeah, that’s my daughter. And she pretty much looked like that for a good chunk of most days for the first few months.
I sang, shushed, swaddled, nursed, walked, bounced, and cried with this little bundle for hours every day. So when people would ask me, “Isn’t this the most amazing time and experience?” I would feel obligated to respond with an enthusiastic “Oh my, yes!” while inside I was thinking “THIS IS SO HARD! I need a break! I want to sleep! And this time is not flying by like everyone said it does — time has stopped and I’m going to be stuck in this phase forever!” Little did I know, I was helping to perpetuate the myth of The Blissed Out New Mom. Fortunately, and not surprisingly, the phase did pass and I got through it. But for those of you who may be in that phase, or know of a new mom who might be, I would love to share some tips for making it through this time.
Ask for help, and when people offer to help, take it!
I know we want to be able to do everything ourselves, especially when we see other moms who seem to have it all together all the time, but ask for help and don’t feel guilty about it! Even something as simple as having a friend come and hold your baby while you spend 20 minutes taking a shower can be just enough to get you through a rough day. Or hire a Postpartum Doula (more on that shortly).
Take a moment for yourself
This may seem the same as the above suggestion, but this is possible even when you don’t have the option of help. If your baby is (perhaps miraculously) sleeping somewhere other than your arms, take some of that time to do something for YOU, even though there’s laundry that needs to be done and dirty dishes in the sink. I used to think that a good mom wouldn’t need these types of breaks. Now I know that a good mom knows the importance of taking care of herself.
Hire a Postpartum Doula
Having a postpartum doula would’ve been a godsend for me and my family. It’s difficult to describe just how helpful it would’ve been to have a trained and experienced professional to help with the transition into parenthood. (You live and learn, right?) If you or a friend or family member with a newborn are living in the Walla Walla area, I would love to share my support during this special, and sometimes overwhelming time!
Remember that this phase is temporary!
I know it doesn’t feel like it, especially when you have a particularly high-needs baby, but This. Will. Pass. I promise! It’s important to keep this in the front of your mind when those long days and nights are so relentless. I look back at those months now and while I can still remember how hard it was, it feels like it was a million years ago. There’s also something about the difficulty that made me intensely aware and grateful of the moments that did feel blissful.
Motherhood is sometimes hard, sometimes easy, and always, always a worthwhile blessing.
Warmly,
Christina
